Patroclus
* “Best of men. Best of the Myrmidons.” Personality He doesn't like to disappoint. Youth "Quickly, I became a disappointment: small, slight. I was not fast. I was not strong. I could not sing. The best that could be said of me was that I was not sickly." First Interaction with Achilles At the age of five, Patroclus's father hosts the games. "My eye catches on a light head among dozens of dark, tousled crowns. I lean forward to see. Hair lit like honey in the sun, and within it, glints of gold-the circlet of a prince." Achilles wins the race. Patroclus's father crowns him with a garland. Helen Helen, daughter of the King of Sparta, comes of age and is ready for marriage. King Menoetius wishes for nine year old Patroclus to put himself forth as a suitor. Soldiers escort them to Sparta's citadel. Patroclus is more interested in his toy horse whose legs can move and dice that a soldier lends to him. He presents a beaten-gold mixing bowl embossed with the story of Danae as a gift to Helen. When Menoetius gives the gift to Patroclus, he says "Do not disgrace us." There were hundreds of voices banging against the stone walls. The great hall was full of kings who wished to marry Helen. The kings sat on benches draped with cowhide, waiting for their turn to speak. They introduce themselves and present their suit to King Tyndareus of Sparta. The gifts pile in the center of the room. When it is Patroclus' turn, his father speaks first. The King of Sparta is surprised that he is there, as he did not think that Menoetius' wife had died. Even I knew it was my turn to speak. "I am Patroclus, son of Menoetius." My voice sounded high, and scratchy with disuse. "I am here as a suitor for Helen. My father is a king and the son of kings." I had no more to say. My father had not instructed me; he had not thought that Tyndareus would ask me to speak. I stood and carried the bowl to the pile of gifts, placed it where it would not topple. I turned and walked back to my bench. I had not disgraced myself with trembling or tripping, and my words had not been foolish. Still, my face burned with shame. I knew how I must look to these men. Patroclus takes the blood oath with the other suitors. After Helen chooses Menelaus and Penelope is promised to Odysseus, Patroclus' father pulls him angrily off of the bench and they leave the same night. Patroclus is disappointed because he had not even had the opportunity to see Helen's "fabled face." His father never mentions the trip again, and when Patroclus arrives home, the whole thing seems strange to him, distant. It did not see like real life. First kill It was late summer. Patroclus was standing in a field with two pairs of ivory dice inset with onyx. He had just run from the palace and away from his instructor. A boy named Clysonymus appeared. Clysonymus was the son of a nobleman and he was older, larger, and unpleasantly fleshy. He wanted Patroclus' dice. Patroclus refused. He reached to take them, so Patroclus shoved him backwards. Clysonymus advanced, red-faced, on the smaller Patroclus, who took a step back. Clysonymus smirked and called him a coward. "I am no coward." My voice rose, and my skin went hot. "Your father thinks you are." His words were deliberate, as if he was savoring them. "I heard him tell my father so." "He did not." But I knew he had. The boy stepped closer. He lifted a fist. "Are you calling me a liar? I knew that he would hit me now. He was just waiting for an excuse. I could imagine the way my father would have said it. Coward. I planted my hands on his chest and shoved, as hard as I could. Our land was one of grass and wheat. Tumbles should not hurt. I am making excuses. It was also a land of rocks. His head thudded dully against stone, and I saw the surprised pop of his eyes. the ground around him began to bleed. It is the first human death that Patroclus has witnessed. He runs and hides by an olive tree: limp, pale, and surrounded by his own vomit. He loses the dice. Patroclus' father is angry with him and has servants carry Patroclus inside. Exile * Clysonymus' family demanded immediate exile or death. They were powerful, and this was their eldest son that Patroclus had killed. Menoetius had spent his life scrabbling to keep his kingdom, and he would not risk it for Patroclus. He agreed to exile Patroclus. In exchange for his weight in gold, Patroclus would be fostered in Phthia by King Peleus. This was how I came to be ten, and an orphan. This is how I came to Phthia. In exchange for raising him, King Menoetius must pay the sum of Patroclus's weight in gold. This comes out to five goblets with engraved stems, a heavy knobbed scepter, a beaten-gold necklace, two ornamental statues of birds, and a carved lyre, gilded at its tips. Patroclus notes that the lyre is cheating because it was made of wood, but it was so beautiful that no one could object to it. It had been part of Queen Philomela's dowry. Life in Phthia Arrival When Patroclus arrives in Phthia, he is expected to present himself before the King Peleus, but Peleus was absent, so he would have to present himself before his son instead. He was unnerved, remembering what his father had said: This is what a son should be. Until this moment I had been a prince, expected and announced. Now I was negligible. Patroclus is surprised by how much Achilles has changed in the five years since they met last. He himself had not changed so much, nor so well. He yawned, his eyes heavy-lidded. "What's your name?" His kingdom was half, a quarter, an eighth the size of my father’s, and I had killed a boy and been exiled and still he did not know me. I ground my jaw shut and would not speak. “He asked again, louder: “What’s your name?” “My silence was excusable the first time; perhaps I had not heard him. Now it was not. “Patroclus.” "Patroclus" means "honor of the father." Achilles does not make a joke about this, although Patroclus expects him to. He rolled onto his side to face me. A stray lock of gold fell half into his eyes; he blew it away. “My name is Achilles.” I jerked my chin up, an inch, in bare acknowledgment. We regarded each other for a moment. Then he blinked and yawned again, his mouth cracked wide as a cat’s. “Welcome to Phthia.” I had been raised in a court and knew dismissal when I heard it. Training Patroclus regularly has nightmares of the death of Clysonymus, who he killed. After breakfast, the adopted boys and Patroclus go to train with spears and swords in the practice yards. Achilles does not train with the other boys. Masters teach and correct the boys as they practice. When the masters release them, the boys run to the beach to race and play dice. Patroclus notes "the full truth of Peleus' kindness: well trained and indebted, we would one day make him a fine army." The only time that Patroclus regularly sees Achilles during this time is in the dining hall at meal times. The other boys always crowd around Achilles, seeking his attention, as they all wish be be chosen as his therapon. One day, Achilles and Patroclus make eye contact. For a second our eyes held, and I felt a shock run through me. I jerked my gaze away, and busied myself with my bread. My cheeks were hot, and my skin prickled as if before a storm. When, at last, I ventured to look up again, he had turned back to his table and was speaking to the other boys. After that, Patroclus tries to be more subtle when he stares at Achilles, but Achilles often catches him before he manages to turn away. Those seconds, half seconds, that the line of our gaze connected, were the only moment in my day that I felt anything at all. The sudden swoop of my stomach, the coursing anger. I was like a fish eyeing the hook. "Catch" After a month of living in Phthia, Patroclus goes to the dining hall to find Achilles sitting at Patroclus' table. This angers Patroclus, who had come to think of it as his table and he refused to be pushed from it. He sits at the last available spot at the table. The other boys chatter around him, but Patroclus isn't paying attention to them, all of his focus is on Achilles. Achilles lingers after dinner. He gathers a few figs from a bowl and juggles them lightly enough that they do not bruise. Juggling is a trick for the poor, but Achilles makes it a living, beautiful thing. Achilles flicks his gaze from the figs to Patroclus and says "Catch." Patroclus catches the fig that Achilles throws his way, before Achilles catches the remaining figs. He eats the last fig, causing Patroclus to eat the one that he had been given. Achilles leaves after this display. Therapon The other boys soon learn that Patroclus is there because he killed another child. They fear and are fascinated by him. Patroclus begins to lose his appetite and sits in places where he will not be disturbed. On one of these instances, Achilles finds him in a storage room, wedged between jars of thick-pressed olive oil. Achilles says that he has been looking for him and chastises him for not attending his morning drills. Achilles had overheard his father talking of Patroclus and had come to see if he was ill, which he was not. Peleus was considering punishing Patroclus. Achilles asks him what his excuse will be, as the punishment would be corporal, and likely public. Patroclus snaps that he is the prince and all he has to do is say that he was with him, and Peleus will excuse it. Achilles considers this, but admits that he does not like to lie. Patroclus suggests that Achilles take him with him to his lessons so that it would not be a lie. Achilles decides to bring Patroclus along to his lyre lesson. Achilles plays Patroclus's mother's gilded lyre. “His fingers touched the strings, and all my thoughts were displaced. The sound was pure and sweet as water, bright as lemons. It was like no music I had ever heard before. It had warmth as a fire does, a texture and weight like polished ivory. It buoyed and soothed at once. A few hairs slipped forward to hang over his eyes as he played. They were fine as lyre strings themselves, and shone.” When Achilles is finished, Patroclus follows him to see King Peleus. In the audience chamber, Achilles kneels at his father's feet and apologizes for taking Patroclus from his drills. Achilles says that he had forgotten to say that he wishes for Patroclus as his companion, or therapon. Therapon was the word he used. A brother-in-arms sworn to a prince by blood oaths and love. In war, these men were his honor guard; in peace, his closest advisers. It was a place of highest esteem, another reason the boys swarmed Peleus’ son, showing off; they hoped to be chosen. King Peleus asks Achilles why he has chosen Patroclus, after years of rejecting other companions. Achilles answers, "He is surprising." Their punishment is that they both must apologize to Amphidamas, the arms-master. Moving In At dinner the day Achilles chooses Patroclus as his therapon, Achilles announces that Patroclus will sleep in his room, much to the shock of the other boys. Patroclus is given a cot in the corner of the bedroom. They talk before they fall asleep, telling each other of their days of their lives. Private Drills One afternoon, Achilles invites Patroclus to his private lesson. Very few others had ever seen him fight, so this was a big deal. Achilles practices alone, as he never fights with others. Patroclus stands watching, entranced. When Achilles is finished, Patroclus asks him who trained him. Peleus had trained him a little. I stepped forward. "Fight me." He made a sound almost like a laugh. "No. Of course not." Patroclus really wanted to fight Achilles. They both end up on the ground. Achilles pins him easily. "I have never seen anyone fight the way you do,” I told him. Confession or accusation, or both. “You have not seen much.” I bridled, despite the mildness of his tone. “You know what I mean.” His eyes were unreadable. Over us both, the unripe olives rattled gently. “Maybe. What do you mean?” I twisted, hard, and he let go. We sat up, our tunics dusty and stuck to our backs. “I mean—” I broke off. There was an edge to me now, that familiar keenness of anger and envy, struck to life like flint. But the bitter words died even as I thought them. “There is no one like you,” I said, at last. He regarded me a moment, in silence. “So?” Something in the way he spoke it drained the last of my anger from me. I had minded, once. But who was I now, to begrudge such a thing? As if he heard me, he smiled, and his face was like the sun. 12 Years Old Patroclus spends several months with Achilles as his therapon, and he finds happiness with him. They make up games for themselves, climb trees, skip rocks, swim, go to lyre lessons and do drills, skip rocks, and carve wood. I saw then how I had changed. I did not mind anymore that I lost when we raced and I lost when we swam out to the rocks and I lost when we tossed spears or skipped stones. For who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? It was enough to watch him win, to see the soles of his feet flashing as they kicked up sand, or the rise and fall of his shoulders as he pulled through the salt. It was enough. In the summer, over a year after Patroclus was sent to Peleus, Patroclus tells Achilles how he killed the boy. Achilles asks him why didn't just lie, which makes Patroclus realize that if he had lied, he would still be a prince. Patroclus asks Achilles what he would have done, to which he replies, "I don't know. I can't imagine it. No one has ever tried to take something from me." Never, Patroclus wonders. "Never. I don't know, I think I would be angry." Thetis tells Achilles that she wishes to meet Patroclus. Patroclus is afraid because of her reputation for hating mortals. She tells him that Achilles will be a god, and asks him if he understands. He says yes, to which she responds, "Good." Carefully, as if to herself, she added, "You will be dead soon enough." Patroclus leaves and sits far away from the sea, analyzing what she said to him. Achilles finds him, and Patroclus asks him if he wants to be a god. Achilles says that he does not know. 13 Years Old As Patroclus and the other boys turn thirteen, they begin to become interested in, and engage in, sexual intercourse, primarily with the female slaves of the palace. Patroclus himself is not interested in bedding the servant girls. Peleus encourages Achilles to sleep with the serving girls. This morning he had leapt onto my bed and pressed his nose against mine. "Good morning," he'd said. I remembered the heat of him against my skin. The thought of Achilles with a slave girl bothers Patroclus, and he asks him if he likes her. “Achilles turned to face me from across the room. “Why? Do you?” “No, no.” I flushed. “That is not what I meant.” I had not felt so uncertain with him since the earliest days. “I mean, do you want—” He ran at me, pushed me backwards onto my cot. Leaned over me. “I’m sick of talking about her,” he said. The heat rose up my neck, wrapped fingers over my face. His hair fell around me, and I could smell nothing but him. The grain of his lips seemed to rest a hairsbreadth from mine. Then, just like that morning, he was gone. Up across the room, and pouring a last cup of water. His face was still, and calm. “Good night,” he said.” The Kiss IT IS SUMMER, one of the first fine days. We are on the beach after lunch, our backs to a sloping piece of driftwood. The sun is high, and the air warm around us. Beside me, Achilles shifts, and his foot falls open against mine. It is cool, and chafed pink from the sand, soft from a winter indoors. He hums something, a piece of a song he had played earlier. I turn to look at him. His face is smooth, without the blotches and spots that have begun to afflict the other boys. His features are drawn with a firm hand; nothing awry or sloppy, nothing too large—all precise, cut with the sharpest of knives. And yet the effect itself is not sharp. He turns and finds me looking at him. “What?” he says. “Nothing.” I can smell him. The oils that he uses on his feet, pomegranate and sandalwood; the salt of clean sweat; the hyacinths we had walked through, their scent crushed against our ankles. Beneath it all is his own smell, the one I go to sleep with, the one I wake up to. I cannot describe it. It is sweet, but not just. It is strong but not too strong. Something like almond, but that still is not right. Sometimes, after we have wrestled, my own skin smells like it. My pulse jumps, for no reason I can name. He has looked at me a thousand thousand times, but there is something different in this gaze, an intensity I do not know. My mouth is dry, and I can hear the sound of my throat as I swallow. He watches me. It seems that he is waiting. I shift, an infinitesimal movement, towards him. It is like the leap from a waterfall. I do not know, until then, what I am going to do. I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen. I can taste his mouth—hot and sweet with honey from dessert. My stomach trembles, and a warm drop of pleasure spreads beneath my skin. More. The strength of my desire, the speed with which it flowers, shocks me; I flinch and startle back from him. I have a moment, only a moment, to see his face framed in the afternoon light, his lips slightly parted, still half-forming a kiss. His eyes are wide with surprise. I am horrified. What have I done? But I do not have time to apologize. He stands and steps backwards. His face has closed over, impenetrable and distant, freezing the explanations in my mouth. He turns and races, the fastest boy in the world, up the beach and away. My side is cold with his absence. My skin feels tight, and my face, I know, is red and raw as a burn. Dear gods, ''I think, let him not hate me.'' "He is leaving" After Achilles flees, Patroclus leaves. Patroclus is confronted by Thetis, who grabs him by the throat and lifts him. She hisses, "I have seen." Thetis tells Patroclus that Achilles is leaving. Achilles is sitting on his bed when Patroclus returns. He tells Patroclus that he is supposed to leave tomorrow and that he is going to be taught by Chiron. The next morning, Achilles rises at dawn and leaves. Patroclus spends the day alone. He realizes that he does not have anything holding him there, and he could leave if he wished. He leaves the palace with nothing; he just keeps running to Mount Pelion, toward Achilles. He reaches the forested base of the mountain and feels a human watching him. He is tackled from behind, and waits for the blow, but realizes that the person has positioned themselves so as not to hurt him. He is turned over and looks into the face of Achilles, who says that he had hoped that Patroclus would come. They are interrupted by Master Chiron, the centaur with whom Achilles has been sent to train with. Chiron asks Achilles if he was late because he was waiting for Patroclus, to which he responds yes. Chiron lets the boys ride on his back up the mountain to his pale rose-quartz cave. Chiron asks Patroclus if he is interested in surgery or becoming a healer, and Patroclus says yes because it seems useful. Chiron tells him that Thetis did not want Patroclus to accompany Achilles, but that he had chosen to ignore this. Mount Pelion Chiron teaches the boys a great many things. They hunt,heal sick animals, set splints, clean wounds, learn what herbs to give to fight against infection, which plants to get water from, carpentry, how to forge blades, the art of surgery, and they learn the constellations and the stories that go along with them. Later Achilles would play the lyre, as Chiron and I listened. My mother’s lyre. He had brought it with him. “I wish I had known,” I said the first day, when he had showed it to me. “I almost did not come, because I did not want to leave it.” He smiled. “Now I know how to make you follow me everywhere.” In the winter, Thetis appears to Patroclus, angry that he is there. Chiron intervenes and sends him back to the cave. After that first visit, Thetis visits more often and Patroclus learns to avoid her. Patroclus says that he does not want to learn to be a soldier, remembering the boy's death. 14 Years Old For Achilles's 14th birthday, messengers from Peleus bring Achilles gifts from the palace. The two agree that they do not miss the palace. They spend over two years on Mount Pelion. 15 Years Old The spring of their 15th year, they notice that they both look older. Achilles touches the places on Patroclus that have changed. He says that, “You would not be displeased, I think. With how you look now.” As their sixteenth birthdays approach, Patroclus thinks about how soon he and Achilles will be expected to take wives. Patroclus doesn't seem interested in sleeping with women. All he can think about is Achilles. 16 Years Old Achilles' Sixteen Birthday Patroclus wakes early on Achilles' sixteenth birthday to pick the first ripe figs of the season for his breakfast. He had also fashioned a seasoned piece of ash into the image of a boy playing the lyre, head raised to the sky, mouth open, as if he were singing. Peleus had sent a box with tunics and lyre strings and an expensive purple cloak - the cape of a prince. Chiron gave a staff for hiking a new belt-knife. "She cannot see us here." Not long after his birthday, Achilles tells Patroclus that Thetis cannot see them on Pelion. They lie side-by-side together in the dark, motionless for a while. Patroclus turns to Achilles to find him staring at him. Achilles leans forward and they kiss. They have sex. This, and this and this. We were like gods at the dawning of the world, and our joy was so bright we could see nothing else but the other. Worrying Patroclus worries that Chiron, Thetis, or Peleus will find them out. He is afraid that Thetis will kill him, or that Chiron will be disappointed in him. Achilles says that it doesn't matter, because he would not stop. Name One Hero Who Was Happy Summons King Peleus sends a messenger to bring Achilles home. Achilles and Patroclus pack their things and Chiron, believing that they will only be gone for a few days. Quotes * This was the cruelty of adults. Do you understand? * This and this and this! * I saw then how I had changed. I did not mind anymore that I lost when we raced and I lost when we swam out to the rocks and I lost when we tossed spears or skipped stones. For who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? It was enough to watch him win, to see the soles of his feet flashing as they kicked up sand, or the rise and fall of his shoulders as he pulled through the salt. It was enough. *A surety rose in me, lodged in my throat. I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me. If I had had words to speak such a thing, I would have. But there were none that seemed big enough for it, to hold that swelling truth. *Patroclus,” he said. He was always better with words than I. Category:Characters Category:Patroclus Category:Patroclus's family